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Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

What Is Trump Hiding?

As The Onion’s 300,000 staffers in its news bureaus and manual labor camps around the world continue to pore through the immense trove of documents obtained from an anonymous White House source, the answers that are emerging to these questions are deeply unnerving and suggest grave outcomes for the American people, the current international order, Wolf Blitzer, four of the five Great Lakes, and most devastatingly, the nation’s lighthouses and lighthouse keepers.

Deep Blue Quietly Celebrates 10th Anniversary With Garry Kasparov’s Ex-Wife

PITTSBURGH—Red wine and candlelight on the table before them, Deep Blue, the supercomputer that defeated reigning world chess champion Garry Kasparov in 1997, and Kasparov’s ex-wife, Yulia Vovk, quietly celebrated their 10th anniversary on Wednesday at a small French restaurant near Carnegie Mellon University, where Deep Blue was created.
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SPONSORED: Today’s Ku Klux Klan: Back On Top And Ready For The Future

HARRISON, AR—When six former Confederate officers gathered in the winter of 1865 to establish a private social club, none of them could have dreamed that their small group would one day grow into America’s preeminent white nationalist organization, one that embodies the values of faith, family, and community that have always been the bedrock of this great country.

But today, the order of the Ku Klux Klan has become so much more than just a small club of devoted white Americans. The modern KKK has evolved past its humble beginnings into a thriving coalition of the country’s brightest and boldest, a swelling army of individuals dedicated to preserving and celebrating white culture. And with its membership rolls growing on a daily basis, no one can deny that the KKK is back on top, fully in charge, and looking confidently toward the future.

Get ready, readers. The KKK Era is now officially in full effect!

“The KKK is stronger than it’s ever been,” said Thomas Robb, national director of the Knights Party, just one of the numerous chapters of the Klan that has enjoyed a groundswell of support in recent years. “Today, the whole of White America marches under the KKK banner as we continue our glorious crusade to take back what is rightfully ours.”

“And as we continue our advance, the future is brighter than ever,” Robb continued.

Though Robb and other imperial officers acknowledge that the KKK experienced a brief dip in membership during the first half of the 20th century, all accounts indicate the white heritage organization has made up its losses with interest. Once a stronghold only in the South, today’s Klan flourishes in all 50 states, with its daily rallies, group meet-ups, and other community events having become mainstays in every major city in the country.

And with its ranks growing on a daily basis, the KKK’s leadership has persisted in its original mission of encouraging racial purity, building solidarity in white communities, and, above all, educating youth on the importance of their European heritage.

“Today’s KKK has fully modernized its approach to reaching young people,” said Chicago-based Church of the American Front social media director Evan Murray, who pointed to his organization’s recent push on Twitter, YouTube, and other popular online forums that have served as fertile recruiting grounds for the country’s pride-minded youth. “Thanks to our efforts to inspire the nation’s children to unite and take back their birthright, today we are training the next generation of soldiers in the ongoing fight.”

A number of prominent American business leaders have also come forward to say they can only speculate on what is sure to be “yet another groundbreaking decade for the movement.”

“When any sort of group maintains the level of diligence and perseverance that the Ku Klux Klan has in the past decade, it is only too certain they will flourish,” said American publishing magnate T. Herman Zweibel. “I fully support their organization, I admire their commercial clout, and hereby endorse any message or movement they seek to advertise.”

“They’ve also proven their worth as a more than willing business partner,” Zweibel added.

For more information on the exciting Ku Klux Klan movement, visit www.KKK.com.

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