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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Sports Community Mourns Death Of Old Bald White Man With Glasses

NEW YORK—Coaches, current and former players, reporters, and a variety of prominent figures in the sports community gathered Wednesday to mourn the death of an old bald white man with glasses, commemorating his life and his incredible impact on the world of sports. "He did it for the love of the game, and the game loved him back," legendary sportswriter Bud Collins said of the elder statesman, whose bespectacled face and shining cranium became a fixture in the sports sections of well-respected newspapers such as The New York Times and The Washington Post. "We will never see his bald, white, glasses-wearing like again." A bronze statue of the old bald white man with glasses will be erected in front of his alma mater's legendary stadium.

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