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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Sports Media Not Sure How It Going To Fit Super Bowl Coverage Into Just 2 Short Weeks

EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ—Lamenting that there simply isn’t enough time to properly analyze the infinite facets of the upcoming championship game, sources within sports media confessed to reporters Tuesday that they aren’t sure how they can possibly fit such a wide breadth of unique and entirely indispensable Super Bowl XLVIII coverage into just two short weeks. “You’re telling me we’re supposed to somehow hit the thousands upon thousands of pertinent and absolutely vital topics accompanying this pivotal Seahawks-Broncos title matchup in only 14 days—are you kidding me?" said SportsCenter executive producer Mark Gross, estimating that it would, under normal circumstances, take him and his colleagues several years to even begin addressing such thought-provoking matters as how the cold temperatures at the Meadowlands could impact gameplay; Richard Sherman’s potentially hostile relationship with the Denver fans; and what a second ring might mean for Peyton Manning’s legacy. “As it stands, even with round-the-clock coverage between now and next Sunday, there are simply more angles than we can possibly address. Everything we want—nay, need—to say about this game is all so very important, but we just don’t have the time to give it the attention it deserves.” Gross confirmed that the challenge of properly covering the Super Bowl will be made all the more difficult by sheer density of the material, which will inevitably force football pundits to repeat the same talking points dozens of times in the coming days.

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