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Sports Team Defeated In Manner Befitting Its Name

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Report: Gonzaga’s In Washington, Right?

NEW YORK—Ahead of the team’s first-round game against Seton Hall in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, a new report released Thursday revealed that Gonzaga is in Washington state, right?

Teary-Eyed Robert Griffin III Slips On Draft Day Suit Again

WASHINGTON—With several tears streaming down his face as he stood alone in his bedroom’s walk-in closet, sources confirmed Wednesday that former Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III slipped on the suit he wore to the 2012 NFL Draft.
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Sports Team Defeated In Manner Befitting Its Name

CLEVELAND—A sports team's name proved eerily fitting Tuesday when, according to USA Today, the Cleveland Indians were "scalped" 11-3 by the Detroit Tigers. "We had high hopes of 'taming' the Tigers," Indians manager Mike Hargrove said following the loss. "But instead, they wound up killing us and removing our hair as a grim trophy." In other major-league contests Tuesday, the Mets hooked the Marlins, the Yankees "tore holes in" the Red Sox, and the Padres felled the Giants with nothing but courage and a tiny leather sling.

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