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Sports Through With Helping New Orleans Recover

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Study: 96% Of Pickup Games Decided By Next Score

PRINCETON, NJ—Noting that none of the game’s earlier events factored into the final outcome in any way whatsoever, a study released Wednesday by researchers at Princeton University revealed that 96 percent of all pickup games are decided by the next score.

Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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Sports Through With Helping New Orleans Recover

NEW ORLEANS—Following this year's BCS National Championship game, held in New Orleans' Louisiana Superdome, commissioners from all amateur and professional sporting leagues released a statement Tuesday saying that sports is "through" helping the city of New Orleans recover from the devastation suffered at the hands of Hurricane Katrina in 2005. "We worked endless hours to make sure the Superdome was rebuilt in time for the Saints' home opener in 2006; we fought tirelessly to bring the 2008 NBA All-Star Game to the city; and long days and nights were spent making sure the Hornets were able to play in New Orleans Arena this year. Not to mention that our athletes have collectively worked thousands of hours helping the community rebuild," the statement read in part. "Enough's enough already. The city needs to start leeching off another industry." The statement added that sports will continue its pledge to aid New York City's recovery from the blackout of 1977, as the metropolis will add three new baseball teams, two more basketball teams, and four new athletic arenas by the end of 2012.

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