adBlockCheck

Sports

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.
End Of Section
  • More News

Sportscaster Claims You Hate To See That

BRISTOL, CT—Despite the clip airing on the 6 p.m., 8 p.m., and 11 p.m. broadcasts of SportsCenter, ESPN anchor Chris Berman claimed that “a devastating injury of that nature is not what fans come to see,” in reference to a vicious slide-tackle that left an unidentified soccer player writhing on the pitch as his shattered tibia and fibula jutted through his skin, shin-guard, and knee-high sock. “He’s going to feel that one in the morning,” Berman said over the deafening roar of the crowd and the sound effect of a snapping tree branch. “Ouch.” Berman, who has in the past suggested that you never want to watch a backcountry skier smack into a series of exposed rocks or a rally car hurtling out of control into a crowd of helpless spectators, added that he was “glad we can put this behind us” after the clip had been shown from several different angles in slow motion.

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close