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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Sportscaster Claims You Hate To See That

BRISTOL, CT—Despite the clip airing on the 6 p.m., 8 p.m., and 11 p.m. broadcasts of SportsCenter, ESPN anchor Chris Berman claimed that “a devastating injury of that nature is not what fans come to see,” in reference to a vicious slide-tackle that left an unidentified soccer player writhing on the pitch as his shattered tibia and fibula jutted through his skin, shin-guard, and knee-high sock. “He’s going to feel that one in the morning,” Berman said over the deafening roar of the crowd and the sound effect of a snapping tree branch. “Ouch.” Berman, who has in the past suggested that you never want to watch a backcountry skier smack into a series of exposed rocks or a rally car hurtling out of control into a crowd of helpless spectators, added that he was “glad we can put this behind us” after the clip had been shown from several different angles in slow motion.

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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

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