adBlockCheck

Local

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.

Nation Not Sure How To Describe Mark

‘You Would Have To Meet Him,’ Millions Say

WASHINGTON—Saying you’d understand what they were talking about the moment you laid eyes on him, the entire nation reported Monday that it was kind of hard to describe Mark and you’d just have to meet him.

Report: Shit, Last Night Was Trash Night

CHELSEA, MA—Stopping in his tracks upon discovering his entire block lined with empty bins, local man Roger Peters reported Thursday that, shit, last night was trash night.
End Of Section
  • More News

Spouse Under Fire For Telling Anecdote Wrong

FLORENCE, SC–Allegations of improper vacation-anecdote-recounting were leveled Monday against area spouse Maria Courtnall. "Honey, you got it wrong again," said husband Willard after Maria went straight from the part about the cab driver to the thing at the hotel. "It's crucial to mention that we saw that billboard on the way to the hotel. Remember the billboard? Otherwise, the story doesn't make any sense." Maria insisted that she would have mentioned the billboard in due time.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close