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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?
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Spud Webb Getting Smaller And Smaller Every Time People Recount 1986 Dunk Contest

ATLANTA—In recent accounts of Spud Webb's astounding victory in the 1986 NBA Slam-Dunk Contest, basketball fans across the nation have reportedly exaggerated the diminutive point guard's size by greatly diminishing his height with each retelling of the event. "I totally remember he was like 3-foot-5-inches tall and he did this amazing 180-degree reverse double-pump slam," Hawks fan Eric Davis said of the 5-foot-7 Webb, who was 4-foot-9 and dunked from the foul line the last time Davis told the story. "Spud really wasn't much bigger than a basketball. He just blew everybody away in the final round when he rode into the arena on a hamster, ripped off his G.I. Joe doll uniform warm-up pants, threw the ball at the backboard, ran between a small child's legs, jumped up to Dominique Wilkins' palm, and springboarded off it to do a 360-degree two-handed dunk." Sources later confirmed that on the rare occasion that people talk about Nate Robinson's dunk contests, the Knicks guard remains 5-foot-9 inches tall, as nobody really cares enough to exaggerate his exploits.

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