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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Spud Webb Getting Smaller And Smaller Every Time People Recount 1986 Dunk Contest

ATLANTA—In recent accounts of Spud Webb's astounding victory in the 1986 NBA Slam-Dunk Contest, basketball fans across the nation have reportedly exaggerated the diminutive point guard's size by greatly diminishing his height with each retelling of the event. "I totally remember he was like 3-foot-5-inches tall and he did this amazing 180-degree reverse double-pump slam," Hawks fan Eric Davis said of the 5-foot-7 Webb, who was 4-foot-9 and dunked from the foul line the last time Davis told the story. "Spud really wasn't much bigger than a basketball. He just blew everybody away in the final round when he rode into the arena on a hamster, ripped off his G.I. Joe doll uniform warm-up pants, threw the ball at the backboard, ran between a small child's legs, jumped up to Dominique Wilkins' palm, and springboarded off it to do a 360-degree two-handed dunk." Sources later confirmed that on the rare occasion that people talk about Nate Robinson's dunk contests, the Knicks guard remains 5-foot-9 inches tall, as nobody really cares enough to exaggerate his exploits.

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