MANSFIELD, OH—Frantically shifting his gaze between the field and play clock as the seconds wound down, local 34-year-old football fan Isaac Collins announced Sunday that the quarterback better hurry the hell up and snap the ball.
SAN ANTONIO—In a move typical of the style that has made them famous league-wide, the San Antonio Spurs issued a brief press release Tuesday concerning their elimination of the Sacramento Kings from the playoffs in six games. "The San Antonio Spurs have advanced past Sacramento to the second round of the playoffs," the 100-word announcement read in part, failing to mention the 22-point margin of victory in Game 6, Tony Parker's career-high 31 points, the fact that any basketball had been played, the Sacramento team's "Kings" nickname, or anything whatsoever that could be seen as emotionally engaging. "The Spurs organization wishes its members well in all future endeavors." While the press release has been received fairly well among most basketball insiders, some are saying the Spurs should have reminded people that this will be their sixth straight year in the semifinals, as many tend to forget about San Antonio's recent success for whatever reason.