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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Spurs Issue Press Release Announcing Their Elimination of Kings

SAN ANTONIO—In a move typical of the style that has made them famous league-wide, the San Antonio Spurs issued a brief press release Tuesday concerning their elimination of the Sacramento Kings from the playoffs in six games. "The San Antonio Spurs have advanced past Sacramento to the second round of the playoffs," the 100-word announcement read in part, failing to mention the 22-point margin of victory in Game 6, Tony Parker's career-high 31 points, the fact that any basketball had been played, the Sacramento team's "Kings" nickname, or anything whatsoever that could be seen as emotionally engaging. "The Spurs organization wishes its members well in all future endeavors." While the press release has been received fairly well among most basketball insiders, some are saying the Spurs should have reminded people that this will be their sixth straight year in the semifinals, as many tend to forget about San Antonio's recent success for whatever reason.

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