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Terrifying Uniformed Bachelorette Party Storms Local Bar

TACOMA, WA—Bursting into the establishment seemingly out of nowhere and overtaking it within a matter of moments, a terrifying uniformed bachelorette party stormed local pub Casey’s Saloon Friday night, onlookers reported.

Disney Unveils First Virgin Princess

LOS ANGELES—In an effort to better reflect the diverse backgrounds and experiences of their audience, Disney officials this week introduced Lily of Hazelberry, the company’s first virgin princess.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Spy World-Famous

MONTE CARLO—Despite having a job that demands total anonymity, Colin Richards, Great Britain's number-one field operative, has somehow built a reputation as a playboy and bon vivant of world renown. "All I can say is, he must be really incredible at sneaking into places, considering everyone knows what he looks like," Monte Carlo casino owner Nigel St. Clary said. "Can you imagine how great a spy he'd be if he were unknown?"

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