adBlockCheck

Recent News

Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.
End Of Section
  • More News

St. Christopher Statue Embedded In Motorist's Forehead

STERLING CITY, TX–A plastic statue of St. Christopher, the Catholic Church's patron saint of motorists, was found embedded in the forehead of local resident Duane Richardson Monday following a fatal collision with an oncoming van. "Although Mr. Richardson was wearing his seat belt and his airbag deployed properly, the dashboard crumpled in such a fashion that the plastic simulacrum of the third-century martyr was driven into his skull, piercing his brain," Sterling County coroner Leonard Reiver said. Reiver noted that St. Christopher is also the patron saint of sudden death.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close