adBlockCheck

Entertainment

Police Find Super-Sharp Buck Knife

'It's The Kind With A Blade That Locks In Place,' Says Law Enforcement Spokesperson

Warning residents that the blade was “super deadly” and “badass,” city police officials held a press conference Wednesday to announce that they had found a really cool wooden-handled Buck-brand pocketknife on the street.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:
End Of Section
  • More News

'St. Elsewhere' PA Grilled By Howie Mandel's Biographer

LOS ANGELES— Bryant Coleman, author of the forthcoming Howie Mandel biography Howie Did What He Did, spent three hours Monday interrogating former St. Elsewhere production assistant Gary Alexander, pressing him for candid details on the comedian. "He must have had 50 questions about Howie's on-set catering preferences, Howie's opinions on Dave Grusin's theme music for the show, and amusing stethoscope anecdotes involving Howie," said Alexander, 45, who now works as an accountant in Van Nuys, CA. "He kept asking if the cast and crew knew back then that Howie was going to be a huge star, and went on and on about how funny Walk Like A Man is." Alexander added that he blocked Coleman from his cell phone after the author called him 15 times to confirm the specific dates and locations of various incidents in which Mandel stretched a latex glove over his head and inflated it with his nostrils.

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close