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Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
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Staff Of New Thai Restaurant Desperately Hoping Area Couple Will Try Eating There Sometime

RICHMOND, VA—Speaking with reporters Tuesday, staff members of local Thai restaurant Lemongrass expressed their earnest hope that area couple Eric Barstow and Jennifer Dumont would notice the newly opened establishment and mention aloud to one another their desire to try eating there sometime. “All we want is for Eric and Jen to pause on the sidewalk, mention how they haven’t seen this place before, and then spend a few moments looking at the menu in our window and pointing out a few items they think sound good,” said waitress Bua Nantakarn, who also noted her and her colleagues’ fervent wish that Dumont peek through one of the eatery’s windows and comment that it looked cute inside. “And we’re really hoping they remark on how they haven’t had Thai in a while before pledging to give us a shot at some indefinite point in the future. That would really mean so much to us.” At press time, cashier Ditaka Chartpong had nervously exited the restaurant and gazed up and down the street for some sign of the couple.

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