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A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.
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Staff Of New Thai Restaurant Desperately Hoping Area Couple Will Try Eating There Sometime

RICHMOND, VA—Speaking with reporters Tuesday, staff members of local Thai restaurant Lemongrass expressed their earnest hope that area couple Eric Barstow and Jennifer Dumont would notice the newly opened establishment and mention aloud to one another their desire to try eating there sometime. “All we want is for Eric and Jen to pause on the sidewalk, mention how they haven’t seen this place before, and then spend a few moments looking at the menu in our window and pointing out a few items they think sound good,” said waitress Bua Nantakarn, who also noted her and her colleagues’ fervent wish that Dumont peek through one of the eatery’s windows and comment that it looked cute inside. “And we’re really hoping they remark on how they haven’t had Thai in a while before pledging to give us a shot at some indefinite point in the future. That would really mean so much to us.” At press time, cashier Ditaka Chartpong had nervously exited the restaurant and gazed up and down the street for some sign of the couple.

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