adBlockCheck

Standoff In Ivory Coast Threatens To Boil Over Into Full-Scale News Blurb

Top Headlines

Politics

Trump Casually Informs Pence He Going To Make One Or Two Appearances During Speech

CLEVELAND—Pulling his running mate aside backstage at the Republican National Convention just minutes before the Indiana governor was scheduled to formally accept the party’s vice presidential nomination, GOP candidate Donald Trump casually informed Mike Pence that he would probably make one or two quick appearances during the Midwestern conservative’s headlining speech tonight.

‘Heed My Tragic Story Well, Friends, For You Could Just As Easily Be Me,’ Says Chris Christie In Haunting RNC Speech

CLEVELAND—A thrall sweeping over the assembled GOP officials and party members Tuesday as he recounted his chilling tale of hubris, New Jersey governor Chris Christie reportedly entreated those at the Republican National Convention to consider the sad story of his own dizzying rise and ignominious fall, offering a bitter warning to all in attendance that his terrible fate could befall any one of them.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Standoff In Ivory Coast Threatens To Boil Over Into Full-Scale News Blurb

WASHINGTON—As the standoff between Ivory Coast's defiant incumbent president and its president-elect continued into its seventh week, American media experts warned Tuesday that the tense political showdown could escalate into a full-scale news blurb. "We're looking at an extremely volatile situation that, if it isn't defused quickly and carefully, has the potential to explode into 100 to 150 words of news copy," said Joseph Durand of the Center for Media and Public Affairs, who noted that the BBC was already reporting sporadic sound bites being fired off by both sides. "In a worst-case scenario, we could see cross-border destabilization that spills over into a fifth or possibly even sixth sentence." In spite of the threat of a massive international armed conflict, U.S. media leaders vowed not to deploy American journalists to the unstable region unless a full-blown article broke out in nearby oil-rich Nigeria.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close