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Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.
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Standoff In Ivory Coast Threatens To Boil Over Into Full-Scale News Blurb

WASHINGTON—As the standoff between Ivory Coast's defiant incumbent president and its president-elect continued into its seventh week, American media experts warned Tuesday that the tense political showdown could escalate into a full-scale news blurb. "We're looking at an extremely volatile situation that, if it isn't defused quickly and carefully, has the potential to explode into 100 to 150 words of news copy," said Joseph Durand of the Center for Media and Public Affairs, who noted that the BBC was already reporting sporadic sound bites being fired off by both sides. "In a worst-case scenario, we could see cross-border destabilization that spills over into a fifth or possibly even sixth sentence." In spite of the threat of a massive international armed conflict, U.S. media leaders vowed not to deploy American journalists to the unstable region unless a full-blown article broke out in nearby oil-rich Nigeria.

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Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

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