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Star Athlete Signs Contract For Millions Of Weak U.S. Dollars

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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Star Athlete Signs Contract For Millions Of Weak U.S. Dollars

NEW YORK—Star of American basketball games Chris Bosh became one of the world's most indebted-to-China people Monday after signing a six-year contract with the New York Knicks worth approximately $150 million weakening US dollars, or what will amount to negative 200 billion yuan in 25 years. "I'm excited to be a part of the team," said the foolish Bosh, evidently unaware of how his unwise move will cause generations of his descendants to be practically enslaved to China in order to pay off the debt he has taken on. "Let's go, New York, baby." China's profits are expected to rise as gluttonous American consumers buy Chinese-made shoes and jerseys endorsed by Bosh.鱼

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