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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Starfucker Gives Stephen Baldwin A Hand Job

LOS ANGELES—Celebrity Mole star Stephen Baldwin said he enjoyed having his genitals manually manipulated Saturday at a Veronica Mars after-party by a woman known to engage in intercourse with A-list celebrities. "I could tell this chick remembered me from The Flintstones," Baldwin told a visibly indifferent National Examiner reporter Tuesday. "So I just turned on the charm, stuck to the old guns, and a couple hours later, we're behind the poolhouse and one of her hands is totally down my pants." The woman in question could not be reached for comment and was last seen leaving the party in the company of David Caruso.

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