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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Report: Saxophone Still An Okay Vehicle For Self-Expression

While declaring that the musical instrument was by no means ideally suited to the task, a report released by the National Endowment for the Arts Thursday concluded that the saxophone nevertheless remains a fairly decent vehicle for expressing one’s ...

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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Stars Of Canceled Show Terrified Fans Will Raise Money For Movie

LOS ANGELES—Following a recent spate of fan campaigns to revive canceled television series through the crowd-funding website Kickstarter, the cast of the short-lived NBC sitcom Animal Practice told reporters Monday they live in constant fear that fans of the show will raise enough money to turn it into a movie. “To all the viewers who supported our show on NBC and would love to see the next chapter of Animal Practice played out on the big screen, I can only say from the bottom of my heart: Please don’t ever do this,” lead actor Justin Kirk said in a direct plea to fans, noting that the nine-episode sitcom about a misanthropic veterinarian was terrible and that any campaign to revive it would make him and other cast members deeply upset. “I'll say it right here: Being a part of this show was a pretty bad career move and one that I’m trying to move past. Honestly, I would have to say that anyone who is a fan of the show has bad taste and I don’t really have any respect for them. Sorry, but I don’t.” At press time, sources confirmed that Microsoft founder Bill Gates had donated $20 million to the new Kickstarter campaign “Animal Practice Movie Project” with the accompanying note, “Mark my words, this movie will be made.”

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