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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.
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State Dept. Asks U.S. Citizens In Libya What The Hell They Were Doing In Libya

VALLETTA, MALTA—State Department officials charged with evacuating nearly 200 Americans from Tripoli last week shepherded the U.S. citizens aboard a ferry, assessed their need for any special medical attention, and then asked them what the hell they were doing in Libya in the first place. "We are pleased these Americans are now out of harm's way, but, really, why would anyone want to go to Libya?" a U.S. official told reporters, offering a list of more than 20 countries that are safer, more fun, and "just seem like more logical places to take a vacation" than the repressive North African country. "Frankly, we're not quite sure what there is to do in Libya. Walk around? Go sightseeing? If you’re gonna spend that much money on a plane ticket, why not just go to Rome? It's beautiful this time of year." Secretary of State Hillary Clinton later released a statement telling all Americans considering a vacation in the Congo that if getting beheaded is their idea of a fun time, then by all means.

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