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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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State Of The Union Preceded By Memoriam Reel Of Americans Lost In Past Year

WASHINGTON—Prior to President Obama’s annual State of the Union address Tuesday night, audience members in the House chamber were presented with a touching “In Memoriam” video in remembrance of all the Americans who died in 2012. “It was a fitting tribute to all those who were sadly taken away from us far too soon,” House Speaker John Boehner (R-OH) said shortly after the conclusion of the poignant video, in which photos and names of the 2.6 million deceased Americans who died in 2012 were shown one-by-one on a large screen as Judy Garland’s rendition of “Smile” played on the sound system. “We will certainly never forget their many contributions to our nation.” At press time, the segment had been heavily criticized for failing to include Layton, UT resident Jonathan Sonnen, Denver resident Sarah Kaplan, and Gore Vidal.

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