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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Steeler Defense Renamed 'Mid-Level White-Collar Curtain' To More Accurately Reflect Contemporary Pittsburgh

TAMPA BAY, FL—Just days before the Super Bowl, the Pittsburgh Steelers' public relations department announced that the team's vaunted "Steel Curtain" defense would be renamed to more accurately reflect their city's current vocational demographics.

"With the sunset of the foundry era in Pittsburgh an acknowledged reality, it was time to take a serious look at team nicknames," media relations director Tina McClary said. "After reviewing Pittsburgh's current position as a leader in financial services, health-care management, and corporate administration, we settled on the 'Mid-Level White-Collar Curtain' or 'Middle Management' as the new nickname for our defense. As usual, our offense will have no particular nickname." McClary would not speculate on whether or not the team would change the Steeler name itself, but admitted that executives had looked at uniform designs for the Pittsburgh Retailers, the Pittsburgh Biomedical Technicians, and the Pittsburgh Eighth-Most Fortune 500 Company Corporate Headquarters Hosters.

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