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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Steelers Coach Mike Tomlin To Staff: 'What If Ben Roethlisberger Is Bad?'

PITTSBURGH—Following Sunday's 21-14 loss to the New York Giants, in which Pittsburgh quarterback Ben Roethlisberger threw for 189 yards and four interceptions, Steelers coach Mike Tomlin posited to his coaching staff the notion that Roethlisberger might actually be a bad football player. "What if we've convinced ourselves that he's good because we desperately wanted a star quarterback, but the truth is that he's actually pretty bad, and his occasional good games are just flukes?" Tomlin was overheard saying to offensive coordinator Bruce Arians, who later told reporters that Pittsburgh coaches, players, and fans have come close to asking this very same question about Roethlisberger's play before, only stopping short for fear of what that answer might be. "I mean, we won a Super Bowl with him in 2005, but did he lead the team to that win or were the running game, receiving core, and defense so solid that we won it with a bad quarterback? Oh, Jesus." Roethlisberger signed an eight-year, $102 million extension with the team in March.

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