adBlockCheck

Sports

Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
End Of Section
  • More News

Steelers Coach Mike Tomlin To Staff: 'What If Ben Roethlisberger Is Bad?'

PITTSBURGH—Following Sunday's 21-14 loss to the New York Giants, in which Pittsburgh quarterback Ben Roethlisberger threw for 189 yards and four interceptions, Steelers coach Mike Tomlin posited to his coaching staff the notion that Roethlisberger might actually be a bad football player. "What if we've convinced ourselves that he's good because we desperately wanted a star quarterback, but the truth is that he's actually pretty bad, and his occasional good games are just flukes?" Tomlin was overheard saying to offensive coordinator Bruce Arians, who later told reporters that Pittsburgh coaches, players, and fans have come close to asking this very same question about Roethlisberger's play before, only stopping short for fear of what that answer might be. "I mean, we won a Super Bowl with him in 2005, but did he lead the team to that win or were the running game, receiving core, and defense so solid that we won it with a bad quarterback? Oh, Jesus." Roethlisberger signed an eight-year, $102 million extension with the team in March.

More from this section

Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close