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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Steinbrenner: Torre's Job In Jeopardy If He Doesn't Win Grapefruit League

TAMPA, FL—New York Yankees owner George Steinbrenner informed reporters yesterday that manager Joe Torre could face firing if the Yankees do not emerge from spring training as Grapefruit League champions. "I expect—and our great fans in Tampa demand—Joe Torre to bring the Grapefruit League championship home every year," said Steinbrenner, adding that Torre will also be "held to the Yankee standard" in both simulated and intrasquad games. "Though Joe has had success in the past, we haven't brought the Grapefruit League trophy home to Legends Field in I don't know how long." Steinbrenner added that he has given Torre every possible resource he should need to finally defeat the Grapefruit League's longstanding dynasty, the Kansas City Royals.

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