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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Steinbrenner: Torre's Job In Jeopardy If He Doesn't Win Grapefruit League

TAMPA, FL—New York Yankees owner George Steinbrenner informed reporters yesterday that manager Joe Torre could face firing if the Yankees do not emerge from spring training as Grapefruit League champions. "I expect—and our great fans in Tampa demand—Joe Torre to bring the Grapefruit League championship home every year," said Steinbrenner, adding that Torre will also be "held to the Yankee standard" in both simulated and intrasquad games. "Though Joe has had success in the past, we haven't brought the Grapefruit League trophy home to Legends Field in I don't know how long." Steinbrenner added that he has given Torre every possible resource he should need to finally defeat the Grapefruit League's longstanding dynasty, the Kansas City Royals.

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