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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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Stephen A. Smith Thinking Son Is Finally Ready For The Sex Argument

BRISTOL, CT—Sensing the 9-year-old is now old enough to engage in a heated debate on the subject, Stephen A. Smith reportedly decided Monday that his son is finally ready for the sex argument. “It’s a big milestone in every father-son relationship to sit your child down and dispute his pathetic ideas about the birds and bees,” said Smith, fondly remembering his own father belligerently talking over him when he got the sex argument as a boy. “He’s at that age where he’s starting to hear some things about sex at school, so it’s important for me as a parent to corner him on his logical inconsistencies and force him to admit he doesn’t have the experience to know what the hell he’s talking about.” Smith said he is ready to have the argument as soon as his son gets home from school and can get in front of a camera.

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New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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