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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Stephen A. Smith's Dismissive Attitude Toward Hockey Gets People To Like Hockey

NEW YORK—ESPN analyst Stephen A. Smith recently made several dismissive remarks about ice hockey this week, causing Americans across the country to flock to the sport in droves, sources confirmed Sunday. “Up until about a week ago, I never cared about hockey one way or the other, but ever since I saw Stephen A. Smith criticize the game, I’ve been a huge fan,” said local man Paul Bradford, echoing the sentiment of millions of Americans, who since the polemical sportscaster derided hockey have fanatically followed every wrinkle of the newly popular sport. “He said he doesn’t like it when a hockey game is low-scoring. Well, I love when that happens. Because I love hockey. It’s my favorite sport.” Bradford added that, in a further show of solidarity against any and all of Smith’s viewpoints, he and the rest of the nation would continue not watching the NBA.

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