MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Stephen A. Smith Reveals He Still Meets Up With Skip Bayless To Argue

BRISTOL, CT—Saying that their combative, antagonistic relationship remains as strong as ever, ESPN commentator Stephen A. Smith revealed to reporters Monday that he still meets up with his former First Take co-host Skip Bayless to argue. “Even though we don’t work together anymore, Skip and I like to occasionally get together and yell our misinformed, conflicting opinions over one another,” said Smith, adding that the two try to hang out one or two times a month to work themselves into a frenzy squabbling about some of their favorite topics like Tim Tebow, domestic violence, and which NFL quarterbacks are truly elite. “If our schedules don’t allow us to argue in person, we’ll hop on the phone to really lay into how we each think the other one is defending the stupidest possible take. It’s always great to swap insults with Skip, and it certainly brings back a lot of great memories.” Smith then told reporters that Bayless will always occupy a special place in his heart, adding that he could not see himself ever getting as worked up over stupid bullshit with new co-host Max Kellerman.

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