DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
PHOENIX—Upon receiving his second straight MVP award on Monday, Phoenix Suns point guard Steve Nash accused the NBA of "being out to make a fool of [him]." "Listen, it was kind of funny the first time. I mean, I can take a joke. My family was quite embarrassed, but that's beside the point," Nash told those gathered at the ceremony. "But this is just getting ridiculous. Look, I get it—I'm short, white, and Canadian. Ha ha, real fuckin' funny. You sick bastards. Did Amare Stoudemire put you up to this?" When asked about the chances of him winning a third MVP award in as many years, Nash emitted a terse laugh while glaring at the reporters and drumming his fingers on the podium.