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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Steve Nash Sarcastically Asks Shaq To Slow Down

PORTLAND—In the midst of four consecutive fast breaks during their Tuesday night game against the Trailblazers, Phoenix Suns guard Steve Nash repeatedly voiced scathingly sarcastic comments regarding newly acquired teammate Shaquille O'Neal's lack of speed. "Whoa, slow down there, big fella! You're making us all look bad!" said Nash as he and the other three Suns players on the court ran past a hunched-over O'Neal during another breakaway. "Somebody reign in Lightning there! Hey, Shaq, we're really gonna need you to stand around and miss free throws for us in the playoffs, so don't blow your wad just yet." Nash often makes similar remarks when the teammates are eating meals together, usually without the sarcasm.

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