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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Steve Nash Sarcastically Asks Shaq To Slow Down

PORTLAND—In the midst of four consecutive fast breaks during their Tuesday night game against the Trailblazers, Phoenix Suns guard Steve Nash repeatedly voiced scathingly sarcastic comments regarding newly acquired teammate Shaquille O'Neal's lack of speed. "Whoa, slow down there, big fella! You're making us all look bad!" said Nash as he and the other three Suns players on the court ran past a hunched-over O'Neal during another breakaway. "Somebody reign in Lightning there! Hey, Shaq, we're really gonna need you to stand around and miss free throws for us in the playoffs, so don't blow your wad just yet." Nash often makes similar remarks when the teammates are eating meals together, usually without the sarcasm.

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