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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Steve Young Suffers Concussion Attempting To Explain Final Call In Packers, Seahawks Game

SEATTLE—ESPN medical personnel confirmed Tuesday that analyst Steve Young suffered a traumatic brain injury Monday night while attempting to explain the referees’ confusing ruling of a touchdown on the last play of the Packers, Seahawks game. “It’s evident that the replacement referees’ questionable, game-deciding call exerted a significant amount of trauma on Mr. Young’s brain and caused him to temporarily lose consciousness while attempting to grasp the rationale of calling that play a touchdown,” said neurologist Richard Spencer, adding that the woozy Young was helped off the ESPN broadcasting set immediately following his disoriented plea for the NFL to bring back the regular officials. "Given Mr. Young's history, this is certainly serious. It’s not surprising that he’s exhibiting signs of cognitive impairment. That ball was intercepted." As of Tuesday morning, Young was reportedly resting comfortably at the Harbor View Medical Center saying that the last thing he remembers from Monday night was Golden Tate pushing a defender squarely in the back and knocking him to the ground before the final pass came down.

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