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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Stoners Announce Plans To Get Stoned For That

WILMETTE, IL—In an impromptu press conference held Monday afternoon in the parking lot of a local GameStop, a coalition of four area stoners announced their intentions to get stoned for that next weekend, adding that while the activity has much to offer sober, its sights, sounds, and smells could only be improved under the influence of marijuana. "We have concluded that getting stoned before attending this particular event would not only intensify our sensory perceptions, but also heighten our ability to philosophically analyze the experience in 10-minute bursts," group spokesman Mark Sax, 23, said. "Also, we have every reason to believe it will be seriously kick ass [stoned]." Members of the group unanimously agreed that it would be the complete ultimate if Burkey can get off work early and get stoned with them.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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