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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Storied Fantasy Owner Relocates To New IP Address

NEW YORK—Bringing a notable chapter of National Fantasy Athletics Association history to a close, Brad’s Awesome Team relocated this week from 38.106.42.183 to 65.432.87.292. “This is an emotional day in our team’s history, but more than anything, it is an exciting step forward for our franchise,” said team owner Brad Blevins, adding that the move will improve the team’s competitiveness, in addition to offering fans a superior gameday experience, including pregame entertainment presented by Netflix and faster in-game updates of stats and scores. “We look forward to forging a new era in team history at 65.432.87.292, all the while never forgetting the memories made in our former home.” At press time, Blevins announced a lucrative naming rights deal with Lenovo’s IdeaPad Yoga11S reportedly worth $749.00.

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