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How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.
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Storied Fantasy Owner Relocates To New IP Address

NEW YORK—Bringing a notable chapter of National Fantasy Athletics Association history to a close, Brad’s Awesome Team relocated this week from 38.106.42.183 to 65.432.87.292. “This is an emotional day in our team’s history, but more than anything, it is an exciting step forward for our franchise,” said team owner Brad Blevins, adding that the move will improve the team’s competitiveness, in addition to offering fans a superior gameday experience, including pregame entertainment presented by Netflix and faster in-game updates of stats and scores. “We look forward to forging a new era in team history at 65.432.87.292, all the while never forgetting the memories made in our former home.” At press time, Blevins announced a lucrative naming rights deal with Lenovo’s IdeaPad Yoga11S reportedly worth $749.00.

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