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Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Storyboards From New 'Batman' Starring Kim Jong Il

The following images are storyboard drawings for the film “National Batman Hero For The Betterment Of Economic Self Sufficiency” written by and starring North Korean leader Kim Jong Il. The quotes above the images are translations of stage directions given in script. More than 600 such images were released by the UN earlier today.

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National Batman Hero surveys Pyongyang's spotlessly clean alleyways for Riddler's gang of Western Capitalist influencers:

National Batman Hero displays both force and compassion in his destruction of USA Laugh Nemesis:

National Batman Hero uses his Loyalty Kick to shame Nodong Jimseung into submission:

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