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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Storyboards From New 'Batman' Starring Kim Jong Il

The following images are storyboard drawings for the film “National Batman Hero For The Betterment Of Economic Self Sufficiency” written by and starring North Korean leader Kim Jong Il. The quotes above the images are translations of stage directions given in script. More than 600 such images were released by the UN earlier today.

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National Batman Hero surveys Pyongyang's spotlessly clean alleyways for Riddler's gang of Western Capitalist influencers:

National Batman Hero displays both force and compassion in his destruction of USA Laugh Nemesis:

National Batman Hero uses his Loyalty Kick to shame Nodong Jimseung into submission:

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