Strange New Culture Forming On Other End Of Office

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Vol 49 Issue 23

Uncle vs. Uncle

truTV 9 p.m. EDT/8 p.m. CDT The only show on television that pits real uncles against real uncles in a competition of wit, strength, and general uncleship.

Couple Keeps Marriage Together For The Sake Of No One

Taylor Swift enters an alternate universe to date a body building George Harrison, a study finds that 83 percent of gamblers quit right before they would have hit the big one, and an Asian guy has a separate group of Asian friends.

U.S. Operating Massive Online Spying Program

The National Security Agency admitted to accessing the databases of many of the largest internet companies including Google, Facebook, Apple, and Skype, allowing the agency to mine the contents of emails, photos, videos, chats, and other online data.
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Fun

  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Healthy Living

  • The Onion’s Guide To Gym Etiquette

    Every new year brings a surge in gym membership from new members nicknamed “resolutionists,” many of whom may be unaware that there are unspoken rules everyone must observe when working out.

Strange New Culture Forming On Other End Of Office

HOUSTON—Pointing to the group’s radically divergent behaviors and customs, employees at local software firm Pendant Systems confirmed Friday that a strange new culture appears to be forming among their coworkers at the other end of the office. “Somehow, the account management team has forged a society all its own, one that is markedly different from anything we’ve ever seen among the cubicles on this floor,” product development chief Stephen Cheng said of the curious micro-civilization, noting its inhabitants display highly unique work habits and modes of dress. “Within their isolated community, they appear to have developed their own power structure, and they often communicate in a bizarre, shorthand language of inside jokes that no one from outside the group can understand. They’ve even begun to congregate at an establishment down the street where they meet to have drinks and recount stories from the previous week. It’s truly remarkable.” Cheng added that while it is unlikely his own department and members of the offshoot culture will ever learn to coexist in any meaningful way, it has not stopped several of his own people from attempting to mate with their women.

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