Strip Poker Ends Solemnly With Scar Explanation

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Vol 43 Issue 14

Potential New Cubs Owners

Now that the Tribune Co. is selling the fabled Cubs franchise, rumors of potential new owners are swirling throughout baseball. Onion Sports looks...
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WAYNE, PA—Providing them the tools necessary to bridge a gap that both individuals say they were more than willing to maintain indefinitely, sources confirmed Monday that the advent of modern technology has unfortunately allowed distant friends Mere...

Strip Poker Ends Solemnly With Scar Explanation

CONRAD, MT—The laughter and giddy sexual tension that typically accompanies a game of strip poker ended abruptly Monday after player Sarah Garrison removed her shirt and revealed a vicious scar that prompted innocent yet ill-advised questioning from the three other participants.

"I guess she was 9 when it happened," said playing partner Justin Kiefel, who described the scar as jagged, densely fibrous, and extending from her navel all the way to her collarbone. "Her uncle was drunk and prone to Vietnam flashbacks, and had been playing with his knife, and, uh, I don't want to say any more." Kiefel said that after about 30 seconds of shocked silence, everyone started putting their clothes back on.

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