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National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
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Stripper Surprised She Only Talked To 2 Homicide Detectives Today

NASHVILLE, TN—After finishing her last performance of the night at local topless bar the Treasure Chest, exotic dancer Candice Hart, 27, expressed surprise Thursday that she had spoken to just two homicide detectives total over the course of her six-hour shift. “Sure, a cop came in to grill me about Shawna’s disappearance, and then a plainclothes officer asked me if I knew any pseudonyms our regular Robert might have used at any point—but honestly, by this point in the night, I’ve usually been asked if I can identify a perp in a security camera still or a victim in a crime scene photo four or five times already,” Hart told reporters, adding that, bizarrely, she hadn’t directed a single brusque, no-nonsense investigator toward the club’s manager Artie Balducci at all during the evening. “Even on weekdays, I can barely get back up on stage before someone from the second precinct comes in, flashes his badge, and explains that Nicole or Jasmine or someone just turned up in a field alongside the interstate and my life is in danger. But today? Nothing. I guess it’s just a slow night.” At press time, Hart noted that things may be “getting back to normal” after walking backstage to find a detective talking to a weeping crowd of her fellow employees.

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New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

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