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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Struggling High School Cuts Football—Nah, Just Kidding, Art It Is

BROWNSVILLE, PA—Superintendent David Geyer announced Tuesday that due to the high cost of new equipment, regular field maintenance, and rising coaches' salaries, Brownsville High would be forced to shut down its footba—ha, yeah right, the arts program is definitely getting the ax. "I've already informed Coach Mackenzie that recent budget concerns have left us with no other choice but to…okay, all kidding aside, the entire music faculty is fired, effective immediately," Geyer said. "But the arts remain vital to a good education, and if the economy improves, aw, who am I trying to fool? Those programs are gone for good." Geyer then attempted to commend the school's art students for all their hard work, but couldn't keep himself from cracking up.

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