adBlockCheck

Recent News

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
End Of Section
  • More News

Struggling High School Cuts Football—Nah, Just Kidding, Art It Is

BROWNSVILLE, PA—Superintendent David Geyer announced Tuesday that due to the high cost of new equipment, regular field maintenance, and rising coaches' salaries, Brownsville High would be forced to shut down its footba—ha, yeah right, the arts program is definitely getting the ax. "I've already informed Coach Mackenzie that recent budget concerns have left us with no other choice but to…okay, all kidding aside, the entire music faculty is fired, effective immediately," Geyer said. "But the arts remain vital to a good education, and if the economy improves, aw, who am I trying to fool? Those programs are gone for good." Geyer then attempted to commend the school's art students for all their hard work, but couldn't keep himself from cracking up.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close