adBlockCheck

Sports

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
End Of Section
  • More News

Struggling Marlins Begin Construction On New Stadium

MIAMI—After a disappointing start to their inaugural season in Marlins Park, Miami Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria unveiled plans Friday to build a new waterfront stadium at Mid-Beach, tentatively called Marlins Field. "We made a lot of great memories at Marlins Park, but our fans need a modern facility capable of housing a winning team," said Loria, who expects funding for the project to be approved by the city and county governments. "This is something we can't solve just by renaming the team the Southeastern Miami Marlins, changing our colors to maroon and gold, hiring a new manager, and installing a sculpture of a giant mermaid who dances with six glittering, spinning marlins every time the team hits a home run, though certainly we will do all of those things." Loria said the Marlins will be conducting yet another fire sale to rid themselves of their recently signed star free agents, but added that he hopes the new stadium will be able to draw star free agents to Miami.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close