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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Struggling Marlins Begin Construction On New Stadium

MIAMI—After a disappointing start to their inaugural season in Marlins Park, Miami Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria unveiled plans Friday to build a new waterfront stadium at Mid-Beach, tentatively called Marlins Field. "We made a lot of great memories at Marlins Park, but our fans need a modern facility capable of housing a winning team," said Loria, who expects funding for the project to be approved by the city and county governments. "This is something we can't solve just by renaming the team the Southeastern Miami Marlins, changing our colors to maroon and gold, hiring a new manager, and installing a sculpture of a giant mermaid who dances with six glittering, spinning marlins every time the team hits a home run, though certainly we will do all of those things." Loria said the Marlins will be conducting yet another fire sale to rid themselves of their recently signed star free agents, but added that he hopes the new stadium will be able to draw star free agents to Miami.

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