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President’s American Manufacturing Council Down To CEO Of Shoe Carnival

WASHINGTON—Following a series of resignations from prominent CEOs amid the fallout from President Trump’s handling of white-nationalist violence in Charlottesville, VA, White House sources confirmed Tuesday that Trump’s American Manufacturing Council is now down to a single member, Clifton Sifford, CEO and president of Shoe Carnival.

Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Tide Debuts New Sour Apple Detergent Pods

CINCINNATI—Calling it the perfect choice for consumers looking to add some tartness to their laundry, Procter and Gamble on Tuesday unveiled a new sour apple Tide detergent pod.

The iPhone Turns 10

A decade ago today, Apple released the iPhone and revolutionized the way humans use technology. Here’s a look back at the evolution of the iPhone:

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.
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Struggling Media Company Almost Desperate Enough To Hire Someone Qualified For Job

NEW YORK—Admitting they badly need to turn their business around, executives at struggling media company Vidmark Interactive confided to sources Tuesday that their situation has become so dire they may have to consider giving a job to someone who is actually qualified to hold it. “We’ve had such a difficult time staying afloat in the current media environment that we’re actually looking at bringing on board a full-time employee who has relevant skills and multiple years of experience in this line of work,” said CEO Cameron Pfeiffer, explaining that the digital media firm has continually promoted employees to positions beyond their abilities, hired friends and family members of executives for management-level posts, and filled their content creation departments with individuals right out of college who were in no way prepared, equipped, or able to meet the goals that were set for them. “If we have another bad quarter, we’ll simply have no choice but to recruit a person genuinely capable of performing tasks necessary for the successful operation of this company—even if it means hiring a professional and paying that person a salary commensurate with his or her talents.” At press time, reports confirmed that the media company had decided to address a vital high-level vacancy by bringing in two 20-year-old interns who will be earning only college credit.

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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

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