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Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Helpful Man Saves Woman Effort Of Telling Idea To Boss Herself

ATLANTA—In an unprompted act of generosity from one coworker to another, Spryte Logistics employee Ben Graham reportedly took the initiative to share one of Emily Fehrman’s ideas with their boss on Friday, saving her the time and effort of doing it herself.

Fisher-Price Releases New In Utero Fetal Activity Gym

EAST AURORA, NY—Touting it as the perfect tool for entertaining and stimulating the fetus during gestation, Fisher-Price announced the release Wednesday of a new in utero activity gym. “Whether they’re batting at the friendly toucans in order to harden their cartilage into bone or tapping the multicolored light-up palm tree to test out their sense of vision once their eyes open at 28 weeks, the Fisher-Price Rainforest Friends Prenatal Activity Gym is guaranteed to give your fetus a head start and keep it happy and occupied,” said director of marketing Kevin Goldbaum.

It Kind Of Sweet CEO Thinks He Doing Good Job

SEATTLE—Admitting that the sight of him laying out his vision for the company was pretty endearing, employees at Rainier Solutions reported Monday that it was kind of sweet that CEO Greg Warner thinks he is doing a good job.
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Struggling Media Company Almost Desperate Enough To Hire Someone Qualified For Job

NEW YORK—Admitting they badly need to turn their business around, executives at struggling media company Vidmark Interactive confided to sources Tuesday that their situation has become so dire they may have to consider giving a job to someone who is actually qualified to hold it. “We’ve had such a difficult time staying afloat in the current media environment that we’re actually looking at bringing on board a full-time employee who has relevant skills and multiple years of experience in this line of work,” said CEO Cameron Pfeiffer, explaining that the digital media firm has continually promoted employees to positions beyond their abilities, hired friends and family members of executives for management-level posts, and filled their content creation departments with individuals right out of college who were in no way prepared, equipped, or able to meet the goals that were set for them. “If we have another bad quarter, we’ll simply have no choice but to recruit a person genuinely capable of performing tasks necessary for the successful operation of this company—even if it means hiring a professional and paying that person a salary commensurate with his or her talents.” At press time, reports confirmed that the media company had decided to address a vital high-level vacancy by bringing in two 20-year-old interns who will be earning only college credit.

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