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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Struggling 'Pittsburgh Post-Gazette' Asks Sidney Crosby To Cover Penguin Playoff Series

PITTSBURGH—Immediately following an interview Wednesday with Sidney Crosby, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette reporters handed their notepads, cameras, and press passes to the Penguins captain and asked him to cover the Eastern Conference Finals. "You'll be there already, right?" said sportswriter Dave Molinari, assuring Crosby he would receive the newspaper's standard $85 in compensation for each freelance article accepted. "It would save the paper a lot of time and money is all. Just remember to spell-check, because there's no real Sports editor anymore." Crosby graciously accepted the position despite misgivings that it may place extra stress on him during the conference finals and while finishing the cooking articles he was assigned for Tuesday's Lifestyle section.

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