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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.

Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.
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Struggling 'Pittsburgh Post-Gazette' Asks Sidney Crosby To Cover Penguin Playoff Series

PITTSBURGH—Immediately following an interview Wednesday with Sidney Crosby, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette reporters handed their notepads, cameras, and press passes to the Penguins captain and asked him to cover the Eastern Conference Finals. "You'll be there already, right?" said sportswriter Dave Molinari, assuring Crosby he would receive the newspaper's standard $85 in compensation for each freelance article accepted. "It would save the paper a lot of time and money is all. Just remember to spell-check, because there's no real Sports editor anymore." Crosby graciously accepted the position despite misgivings that it may place extra stress on him during the conference finals and while finishing the cooking articles he was assigned for Tuesday's Lifestyle section.

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