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A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.
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Study: 63% Of All Human Speech Occurs Under Breath

WASHINGTON—According to a study released Thursday by the Center for Applied Linguistics, nearly two-thirds of all human speech transpires under people’s breath. “Our data indicates that, whether in the form of hushed grumbles of anger, a half-delivered retort, or quiet self-berating, the majority of all spoken language is delivered in barely audible mutters,” said researcher Erin Wightman, adding that a sizable quantity of all human vocalizations are imperceptible insults made while walking away from an argument, a meeting with one’s supervisor, or a pleasant conversation with someone that the speaker simply does not care for. “We found that many people will whisper to themselves at night about mistakes made earlier in the day, while others will pepper in low-volume sarcastic comments while interacting with coworkers or family members. The sheer number of words that are spoken for no one else’s benefit is astounding.” Wightman then went on to make a muffled, half-intelligible comment about both her fellow researchers and the gathered members of the press.

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