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A Primer On The Dark Web

With many crimes now originating on encrypted areas of the internet, many wonder about the so-called dark web and its activities. The Onion provides a primer on this obscured digital space:

Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.
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Study: 90% Of Plane Landings Just Barely Pulled Off

WASHINGTON—According to a new study published by the National Transportation Safety Board, 90 percent of successful plane landings are "this close" to ending with the aircraft pinwheeling down the runway and exploding into a fireball of twisted metal and charred flesh. "We found that when passengers think they're hearing the landing gear being lowered, that's actually the sound of the plane's fuselage coming apart at the seams as the flight-control system fails," said NTSB chairwoman Deborah Hersman, adding how remarkable it is that the wheels don't break off immediately after making contact with the tarmac. "Further, when the plane lands, every bump, big or small, basically means the pilots are fighting with all their might to prevent the aircraft from crashing into the airport terminal." The study found that in nearly all cockpit recordings, the last few moments before touchdown are filled with the pilots screaming for their lives, praying to God, or trying to say one final goodbye to a loved one.

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