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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Study: American Spiritual Epiphanies Increasingly Juice-Based

LOS ANGELES—American spiritual epiphanies are becoming increasingly juice-based, according to a report released Tuesday by the UCLA Department of Theology. "In the past, spiritual awakenings usually revolved around religious faith or personal convictions," the report read. "But today, Americans are turning to the healing and enriching power of such tea and fruit-juice blends as Fruitopia 'Strawberry-Passion Awareness' and Sobe's 'Wisdom' and 'Zen Blend,' for their spiritual fulfillment." Following the report, Ocean Spray announced plans for a line of Zoroastrian grape-cranberry blends.

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