adBlockCheck

Study: Average American Now Requires 3 Attempts To Get Up From Seated Position

Top Headlines

Recent News

How Fashion Trends Arise

With the growing popularity of “fast fashion,” or designs that move quickly from the runway to retail chains, many wonder how their favorite styles first arise. The Onion breaks down the process step by step

SpaceX’s Plan To Colonize Mars

SpaceX founder Elon Musk continues to lay the groundwork to attempt the human colonization of Mars. Here’s a step-by-step guide to his plan:

Bill Clinton Resting Up To Sit Upright At Next Debate

CHAPPAQUA, NY—Stating that the former commander-in-chief had his sights squarely set on next Sunday, spokespeople for the Hillary for America campaign informed reporters Wednesday that Bill Clinton is currently resting up in preparation for another evening of sitting upright at the next presidential debate.

Cyclist Clearly Loves Signaling Turns

MILWAUKEE—Judging by the firm outward thrust of the woman’s arm and the length of times she held the gestures, witnesses confirmed Wednesday that a local bicycle rider clearly loves signaling turns.

Fact-Checking The First Presidential Debate

Addressing issues ranging from national security to trade to their personal controversies, Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton and Republican nominee Donald Trump squared off in the first presidential debate Monday. The Onion takes a look at the validity of their bolder claims:
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Study: Average American Now Requires 3 Attempts To Get Up From Seated Position

BETHESDA, MD—A study published Monday by the National Institutes of Health found that the typical American now requires three distinct attempts to raise themselves from a seated position. “Between shifting in a chair, placing both hands on the chair’s armrests and heaving themselves up, or simply tilting their bodies forward and using momentum, Americans have to perform an average of three unique movements before they are able to rise to a standing position,” said NIH lead researcher Helen Glaser of the study that observed thousands of U.S. citizens attempting to get up from couches, recliners, park benches, car passenger seats, movie theater seats, and restaurant booths, adding that most Americans also required 60 to 90 seconds to recover between exertions. “While some Americans were able to get to their feet in just two stages, others simply abandoned their efforts to stand altogether and remained seated indefinitely.” The report also found that once standing, Americans could resume a seated position in a single fluid motion.

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close