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Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.
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Study: Average Person’s Life Plan Can Only Withstand 25 Seconds Of Direct Questioning

WASHINGTON—According to a study published this week in the American Journal Of Psychology, the average person’s plan for their life is only capable of withstanding 25 seconds of honest, direct questioning before falling apart. “While most individuals’ plans for the future hold together for the first few moments of explanation, we found that by the 20- or 30-second mark, people typically begin trailing off into ambiguity, equivocation, or flat-out silence,” said the study’s lead author, Theresa Colmaryk of American University, adding that most research subjects hit an impassable roadblock after being asked “How are you going to pay for that?” “In about 38 percent of cases, it appeared participants’ aspirations had been subject to so little critical inquiry that the simple exercise of explaining the first step of their plan aloud—be it to purchase a home, to travel extensively, or simply to learn a new skill, like cooking—caused the entire thing to unravel right before their eyes in a period of no more than six or eight seconds.” Colmaryk noted that even after talking themselves into a corner and finding themselves wholly unable to explain how they would achieve their plans, nearly 100 percent of the subjects still expressed confidence they would succeed.

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