adBlockCheck

Recent News

Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.
End Of Section
  • More News

Study Finds Americans Lead World In Ability To Justify Unnecessary Purchases

NEW YORK—A study published Thursday by the McKinsey Global Institute confirmed that American citizens lead the world in the ability to justify needless purchases, a finding that extended across all consumer categories, from electronics, to food items, to motor vehicles. “When it comes to rationalizing a third flatscreen television, defending the bulk purchase of sale items, inventing reasons to upgrade a cable package, and categorizing any purchase as an ‘investment,’ we discovered that consumers in the U.S. are more than five times as proficient as their counterparts in other countries,” said researcher Peter Cahill, citing the roughly $100 billion per year that Americans justify spending on cell phones that are less than a year newer than their existing model, shoes with pockets for each toe, brand-name allergy medicine, in-home soda machines, apps, coconut water, collector’s edition DVDs, and thousands of other goods and services. “What’s perhaps more impressive is that the unnecessary spending gap between the U.S. and the next closest nation more than doubles when we factor in completely superfluous big-ticket purchases, such as tuition at exclusive colleges or 3,400-square-foot homes.” The study also found that U.S. consumers were equally dominant when it came to helping friends and family members justify the purchase of unnecessary products.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close