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New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
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Study Finds Average American Inadvertently Eats Equivalent Of 8 Pieces Of Fruit Per Year

ATHENS, GA—According to a study published Monday by researchers at the University of Georgia, the average American inadvertently consumes the equivalent of eight pieces of fruit each year. “Our findings suggest that the typical person accidentally ingests small fruit fragments or pureed fruit chunks when they are mixed in with certain meals or snacks, such as yogurt or Hawaiian pizza, which, over the course of 12 months, adds up to about eight whole pieces of fruit,” said lead researcher Richard Sampson, who assured the public that, while the thought of unintentionally chewing and swallowing that amount of fruit might make them feel squeamish or repulsed, consuming such minute quantities of the plant-based substance over the course of hundreds of meals would have very little impact on their health. “When people learn that the foods they eat every day might contain tiny parts or scraps of fruit, they tend to feel queasy. However, most Americans never even notice, and the body naturally flushes out fruit and fruit residue the same way it would a cinnamon roll or a chicken nugget.” Researchers said that concerned consumers could limit their contact with fruit by keeping their diet primarily limited to cheese.

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