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Study Finds Humans Only Animals Capable Of Recognizing Former Selves In Mirror

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Brita Unveils New In-Throat Water Filters

OAKLAND, CA—Representatives from Brita, the nation’s bestselling brand of household water filtration products, held a press event Wednesday to unveil a new line of filters designed to be installed directly inside users’ throats.

Video Game Henchmen Plan Meetup Around Explosive Barrels

LEVEL 5—A group of video game henchmen patrolling the warehouse hideout of their criminal mastermind boss informed reporters Wednesday of their upcoming plan to take a brief break from making their rounds to meet up around a stack of five highly explosive barrels.

Study Links Clinical Depression To Getting Dunked On

BOSTON—Identifying a significant factor contributing to the development of the mental health disorder, researchers from Harvard Medical School published a groundbreaking study Thursday that reportedly links clinical depression to getting dunked on.

How Dating Sites Match Their Users

With millions of people opting to use online dating sites to meet new potential romantic partners, many are wondering how computer algorithms can enhance their chances of finding “the one.” Here are the steps that dating sites take to match compatible users

How To File A Patent

In the United States, anyone who believes they have invented something truly unique is welcome to fill out a patent application to protect it, but it’s often a complicated and laborious process. Here are the steps involved in securing a patent

EPA Urges Nation To Develop New Air Source

WASHINGTON—Citing the hazardous levels of carbon dioxide and other pollutants accumulating in the atmosphere, officials from the Environmental Protection Agency urged the nation this week to develop a new air source.
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Study Finds Humans Only Animals Capable Of Recognizing Former Selves In Mirror

NEW YORK—A new study published Thursday in the journal Animal Cognition revealed that human beings are the only animals capable of recognizing the dim shadow of their former selves in the mirror. “As our research shows, Homo sapiens remains the sole species with the ability to behold its reflection and identify the youthful visage it once presented to the world,” said New York University evolutionary psychologist and study lead author Gary Marcus, adding that humans and humans alone possess the intellectual capacity to peer into a reflective surface and perceive the lively expression and fresh-faced features buried beneath sagging skin. “While previous studies suggest that some animals—including nonhuman primates, dolphins, and even elephants—respond to their reflection with varying degrees of self-awareness, we find that only humans have the cognitive faculties required to gaze into a mirror and see the vital, hopeful individuals they once were. It is worth pointing out, however, that the human brain generally perceives this phantom image for only a few seconds before it fades away, leaving behind the wrinkles, sallow complexion, and dull, lifeless eyes to which the person has become accustomed over the years.” Marcus also noted that, even after this fleeting view of their former selves fades away, humans are uniquely endowed with the immense levels of self-denial necessary to pretend they’re still the same people they’ve always been.

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