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Study Finds Leading Cause Of Depression Hearing Words ‘2016 Frontrunners’

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Election 2016

Michelle Obama: ‘Well, There Are 8 Years Of My Life I’ll Never Get Back’

PHILADELPHIA—Her face fixed in an expression of apathetic detachment as she took the stage Monday night to raucous cheers and applause, First Lady Michelle Obama reportedly began her address to the Democratic National Convention by exhaling audibly and remarking that she would never get the past eight years of her life back.

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Last week, WikiLeaks posted 20,000 email exchanges among DNC officials, the content of which led to DNC chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz’s resignation on the eve of the convention. Here are some of the key revelations from the leak

Trump Casually Informs Pence He Going To Make One Or Two Appearances During Speech

CLEVELAND—Pulling his running mate aside backstage at the Republican National Convention just minutes before the Indiana governor was scheduled to formally accept the party’s vice presidential nomination, GOP candidate Donald Trump casually informed Mike Pence that he would probably make one or two quick appearances during the Midwestern conservative’s headlining speech tonight.
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Study Finds Leading Cause Of Depression Hearing Words ‘2016 Frontrunners’

BETHESDA, MD—A groundbreaking psychiatric study released Monday indicates that hearing the words “2016 frontrunners” is currently the leading cause of chronic depression in the United States. “As our research shows, the vast majority of major depressive disorders arise instantly after the words ‘2016 frontrunners’ are uttered in any context, with most cases developing mere seconds after the words are heard and processed,” said National Institute of Mental Health director and study author Dr. Thomas Insel, pointing to thousands of test subjects who sank into an acute and irretrievable state of melancholy upon being exposed to any reference to the impending U.S. presidential race and its candidates. “Time and time again, we found that even the most buoyant and carefree of individuals would, upon hearing this reminder of the 2016 election, immediately plunge into an abject state of sadness, anxiety, decreased energy, and overwhelming despair, with their symptoms only amplifying as the phrase was repeated. Truly, these two simple words are capable of wreaking absolute havoc on the human mind.” Insel added that despite its destabilizing effects, the expression is nowhere near as devastating to one’s mental well-being as the highly corrosive words “primary season,” which were reportedly responsible for more than 80,000 suicides in 2012 alone.

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