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Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?
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Study Finds Only Safe Place To Tackle Football Players Is 4-Inch Area On Right Thigh

PALO ALTO, CA—In light of a troubling number of major injuries in the NFL this season, a new study published Monday by the Stanford University Sports Medicine Center revealed that the only safe part of the body to tackle a football player is a 4-inch portion of the right thigh. “Our findings showed players have a substantially higher risk of incurring critical, sometimes permanent damage when receiving a hit anywhere outside this 10-centimeter-square area of the upper right leg,” said lead researcher Dr. Mark Domianci, explaining that regardless of age or level, all football players should avoid direct contact to the head, neck, chest, back, shoulders, arms, abdomen, hips, knees, shins, and ankles. “Given how much bigger, faster, and stronger today’s athletes are becoming, the only way to prevent serious head trauma, high-grade muscle tears, bone fractures, or spinal injuries is by ensuring players target this small region of the right thigh when delivering a hit. Tackling anywhere else on the body—even just a few inches from this area—is extremely dangerous for both players involved.” Domianci went on to recommend that as a general rule, no one should ever play the sport of football under any circumstances.

UPDATE:

When reached for comment, an NFL spokesperson assured reporters that the league would take this new study into account while implementing an 18-game regular season.

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